It's okay to lose your shit...

Since I began teaching yoga, guiding meditation and sharing my "stuff" on facebook; I have received an out pouring of messages of encouragement, appreciation as well as inquiries. As someone who was (and obviously still is) seeking guidance and direction, believe me when I tell you that it has been very humbling.  I just share whatever is on my heart.

 

I have a different outlook on life than I did even 2 years ago. It’s like I received both a new heart and different eyes to see through. I firmly believe in looking at the bright side and the lesson in every situation and in all encounters now.

That doesn’t mean that I don’t have my moments. I do. I have a dark side. I get crazy mad. I am impatient. I have wild energy at times that I feel I cannot control. I’m a smartass and I don’t always back down from confrontation.

The cool thing is that no matter what I am presented with, I know how to kick my own ass and I don’t get stuck for too long.

I generally don’t share these dark moments on FB, not because I want to appear perfect, but because I feel that we manifest what we dwell on, therefore (once again) I focus on love rather than fear, pain, grief etc.

That said, my brother recently told me that he wishes people would be more ‘real’ via social media and vent their problems instead of sprinkling fairy dust and pooping rainbows on them.

So... ask and it is given. I’m gonna be real. Right now. For you, little brother.

I am more than SICK of getting hurt by people that are hurt.

 

Now, you may immediately think that I bring this on myself.  You know what? I might. I see the good in people and I want to help if I can. I see all of us as perfect radiant souls and I believe in the miracle of love. I assume everyone believes in the golden rule and will treat me with respect. I am delusional.

We all have a sad story. Each and every one of us has endured a painful situation. Of course there are varying degrees of trauma. I get it. A lot of us have been left feeling broken by these experiences. This is okay. This is the unfortunate ‘norm.’

What’s not okay is constant declaration of said ‘brokenness’ as an excuse for destructive, selfish behavior.

I AM FUCKING SICK OF IT.

Admitting that you have issues and need help is NOT enough. It’s not a ticket to instant understanding and forgiveness from those you hurt.

Being broken and talking about it all the time doesn’t make you a victim or a mysterious dark emo; it makes you an asshole.

Yep, I said it.

You cannot continually take your pain out on people that you allegedly care about and then apologize thinking that you have a clean slate and clear karma. You can only do this so many times before you end up alone or worse—surrounded by people that really don’t care about you.

I cried hard this morning because I am fed up with irresponsible people that don’t care enough about themselves or others to get help and stop the cycle of pain.

I kinda want to live on a deserted island with my children. Escape.
 

Am I being a dramatic? Yeah. I am. I’m angry. (which is good).

(I hope this is ‘real’ enough, Matthew.)

Transformation is hard, but so is the struggle people live in. It’s far worse actually. If you know that you’re making bad choices, sabotaging yourself and those around you then simply STOP.

HEAL.

Don’t know how to start the process? Ask someone. Someone loves you so very much.

If you disagree…   

Talk to God. Don’t believe in him? Okay, well there is a source more powerful than you that listens to EVERYTHING. Call “it” what you will; just make contact. You will be heard and you will be guided if that’s what you truly desire.

Take responsibility or be miserable for the rest of this life and the next. It’s your choice.

Whatever you choose... stop taking advantage of people that really care and want you to be whole.

Start loving yourself. Stop looking outside.


(and ps...don't think that i'll be mad for long. fuck that. i love, love.)