The scary 'V' word

I am by no means an expert. I wrote this based on my experience dating emotionally unavailable people with love fears, realizing 'like attracts like'... knowing that I needed to reevaluate my "stuff." There are many relationships blocks besides what I speak about in this entry. I think that what I share will resonate with many, though. In love and light... nicole

According to the Marriem Webster dictionary, the definition of vulnerability is: "Capable of being physically or emotionally wounded."

Interesting.

I honestly had never really given vulnerability a lot of thought and I certainly did not know the "official" definition until recently.
It seems to me that most days we are in a constant state of vulnerability; are we not? I mean think about it. We can be physically "wounded" at any given time. In addition to that, there is always the chance of being on the receiving end of an angry outburst that may emotionally wound us (hopefully temporarily).

Yet, do we stay home and/or avoid talking to people to ensure "safety?"

No, of course we don’t.

So, why is it that some of us do our very best to be invulnerable in romantic relationships especially when we encounter someone that makes us feel really good?  Oh yeah, that's when we really lose it.

Why do we guard, control, push people away and withhold?

Why is so hard to give and receive freely? Why can't we flow? 

Why do we play mind games and manipulate?

Yeah...The F word.

Fear of being perceived as weak. Fear of rejection. Fear of trusting. Fear of getting our hearts broken.

Of course, we can pretend and say that we are just being "cautious" and sure, that sounds logical, but really it's just an awesome way of saying, "I'm only going to give so much as to not really put my heart on the line."

Now we ask… What has caused us to block the only real thing in this life?

A lot of us became fearful in love because of childhood traumas. It doesn't take much. Personally, I can think of many things right now that made me feel uncomfortably vulnerable with my parents. Add to that my first real heartbreak and I started my adult journey a hot mess (and that is an understatement).

We all have a story and we have all been hurt to some degree or another.

Ponder this… What if we decided to see the people and situations that hurt us as our greatest teachers? 
What if the terrible heartbreak was just a huge lesson preparing us for something beautiful? 

What if we viewed relationships as divine assignments?

What if we decided to forgive those that hurt us with the knowing that they were doing the best that they could at that time?

Could we let go? Can we be vulnerable, again?

I need to share a little secret with you...

Being vulnerable takes strength and courage.

We have tricked ourselves into thinking that vulnerability is synonymous with weakness. Wrong. We seem to think that if we keep our feelings inside we will be conveyed as strong. 

On the contrary, we come across as uncomfortable, controlled, scared and rigid. How does it feel when you hold back? Is it not a strange, unnatural feeling? Hello Ego.

Do you know why it feels so yucky? Because that egoistic action does not vibe with the heart.

George Sand said, “There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved.”

So, if we cannot love and be love able; do you think we can be truly happy and healthy?
Of course, we cannot. We are blocking our true nature. Our essence. The beautiful energy that we were born with. We are supposed to be in loving relationships.

We have to understand that what we resist; persists. If we constantly put up walls, withhold and run away from love-- we are dying within a vicious cycle.

We are scared little hamsters on a wheel running not just from loving a partner and being loved, but also loving ourselves. Scared of showing our “humanness” and all of our perceived imperfections.

You see, if we were really exercising unconditional self-love we wouldn't hurt ourselves and others by withholding. Make sense?

We end amazing relationships by making up reasons why they won't work before someone hurts us. We end up hurt and alone.

Wait... 

Now we have manifested our biggest love fear.

Ain't that some shit?

Vulnerability is the glue in intimacy. In the beginning and throughout our relationship we have to be open enough to share our feelings and desires. What makes us feel good and also what we don't care for. Admit wrong doing. Apologize. Listen. All of these things show vulnerability. Open communication. Sharing really is caring.

I will share a little about me.

I have always been open and giving. Ironically, I was raised in a household where no one ever said: "I love you." There wasn't any crying together, sharing feelings; not even a lot of hugging. I knew that my parents loved me and they raised us with great values, but they were not affectionate people. I knew that I was different. I realized at a young age that I was a big lover and not expressing it did not make sense to me.

I ached for it. 

I loved people and I wanted to tell and show them. I couldn't imagine holding back. I spoke freely and gave love. I felt like it was the only true joy.

When I began dating, something weird happened.  I began to see that I actually had issues with love. The first guy I felt love for was completely unavailable yet I didn't let go for almost 20 years.

In other relationships, I didn't receive—at all. Instead of allowing people to love me, I found a way to control with the delusional thought that if I dictated the way that I was loved; I wouldn't get hurt.
I thought I was strong and in charge. I was actually so weak. I was so scared of being hurt that I squashed love before it was taken away from me. I learned the hard way that I lacked vulnerability.

Time for change... 
As Maya Angelou says, "Know better and you do better."

I decided to start loving myself. I sought out the help of a Reiki healer. I prayed and I meditated. I forgave my childhood traumas and all of the men that cheated, lied and hurt me. I love them all now. So much. I see that they were all my angels and they brought me to a place of gratitude for the lessons that they provided.

I feel more courageous than ever before, yet I am smart enough to know that I could be hurt, again.

Oh well… I choose to be a love warrior.

Join me?

Find a way to release your love fears and begin to flow. Forgive the past and leave it there. Trust. STOP THINKING so much and change negative thoughts. Tell your ego to step aside and show your heart. 

Realize that nothing is guaranteed. A relationship may not work, but what if it does?

What if what you’re pushing away is the beginning of a journey to healing and a lifetime full of free love?

Seek guidance if you feel the need. Find a healing modality that suites you.

As some of you know, I teach and practice yoga because it was the catalyst to my healing and continual transformation. Try it.

Whatever path you take… don't wait, because you're missing out on your life. Someone out there in the big U really loves you despite all of your "flaws" and they want you to receive their love and give them your perfect love back.

Love yourself enough to let go and see that you deserve it. We all do. 

Only love is real. FEAR is the illusion that blocks the miracles from flowing.

"Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.” Maya Angelou is a smart woman...

Vulnerability...it's actually the beautiful 'V' word.